We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
