Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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