Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize