they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
