I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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