I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
