is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
