i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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