it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize