When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
