my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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