I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize