fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
