pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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