Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
