just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
