so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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