i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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