Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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