my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize