i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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