I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
