Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
