no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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