I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
