like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize