I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
