and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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