he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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