I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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