I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
