I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
