Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
