the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
