Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm jealous of your bromance
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
