Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
