So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
