Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
