I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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