I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
