so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
