you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
