I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
