can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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