I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
