Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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