Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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