I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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