she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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