its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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