Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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