Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
