Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
