i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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