you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
