the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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