its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
