I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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