You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize