I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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