i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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