apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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