What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
