arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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