I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
