I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
