Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
