Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
