actually, I'm a sock model
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
