Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
