I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
