So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
