I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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