it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
