I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
