I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
