Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
