just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
