and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
