he puts the penis in happiness.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
