you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
